The BIG Question

Posted on by mzukowskiblog

I think the biggest question on our minds is: how?

  • How can my life be so complicated while others seem so simple?
  • How can I be so depressed yet everyone else so happy?
  • How can I be such a loser, yet everyone else so successful?
  • How do they make life seem so easy?

This the root question of pretty much all my content on my blog. It’s a question I think of daily, yet to be perfectly honest, I’m too scared to answer it.

And that’s because there are only two answers:

  1. Life sucks. I’m unlucky.
  2. I don’t know the second one

I want to say, “they’re life is less complicated and more happy and more successful because they said one day: it’s time for my dream.”

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Literally dropped their textbooks, flunked out of college and for the rest of their life, devoted themselves entirely to what they love. They ignored their friends’ and family’s opinions regardless how alone it made them feel, and listened to their heart. Took a job just to make ends meet and in their free time, worked tirelessly with their goal in mind.

I really want this to be the second answer. 

But it’s just…it’s so risky and it’ll be so hard…

This is my life right now. 

On one hand, I’m living the life my family wants: college, degree, computer science. 50% of my time and effort is devoted to their expectations. I make ends meet of course, I do decently in classes and join clubs, but is it making me happy?

no

On the other hand, I’m living the life I want: bodybuilding and designing. These are my passions and what I love to do. Unfortunately for them, I can only devote the other 50% of my time. I mean how sad is that, I’m literally living half my life, for other people. 

This is my current dilemma.

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I want to devote 100% of my time and effort to my dream, but I’m too afraid of what my dad and friends will think and also, how it might not work. It’s a huge risk but I have only one life…and time is running out…

But what if I choose the obvious answer, and I don’t work as hard as I can and I end up with my back against the wall…that would suck. Sigh. 

One day…yeah, one day. I’ll make sense of all this.

One day I’ll figure out if this small word, “success” that we put so much emphasis on and power into, is simply just a decision to wake up one day and chase your dreams. And if that’s the only thing distinguishing us from actors and YouTubers and celebrities and everyone else we envy. 

 

34 thoughts on “The BIG Question”

  1. Hey! We’re not too different, you know. I’ve always wanted to study mass communications. Be a journalist, or maybe a professional writer. Then use my sketches and comics as a hobby that still brings in money. That was my definition of success. But my dad forced me to redefine success. It’s a very long story, but the bottom line is: Now, I’m a science student. A medical laboratory science aspirant, and I’m very grateful to God, that in terms of intelligence (in academics), I’m near the 80% mark. I can’t imagine how life would have been if I was struggling as a Science student. I’ve come to love science anyway. I’ve learnt to love it. I would study my Med lab and give my dad my certs and degrees, as a thanksgiving present. And after that, I’ll follow my heart. It’s my life; my dreams; my rules; my success.
    Nice post! I enjoyed reading it

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  2. You are not alone, we all are in the same boat living up to others expectations at the same time feeling guilty for ourselves for doing nothing about what we want to do.
    Great job on presenting what you want present instead of what others would like to read. 🙂

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  4. This is a wonderfully honest post. The majority of the population live their life based upon the expectations of others. Freedom and success come from being able to respectfully acknowledge outside expectations but choosing to chase your dreams anyway (in a responsible, logical, and intelligent way – of course). It is a delicate balance and a constant pull. However, those courageous enough to put their blinders on and move toward what is purposeful and fulfilling (its really scary to do just that), are the ones who realize their definition of success. Great question!!

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  6. Completely get where you are coming from. Like you I did the academic route in many ways to please my parents. I studied a Sociology Degree on recommendation of my dad as then I did not know what I wanted to do. My parents especially my dad really didn’t want me to go into teaching yet here I am now with a Teaching Assistant qualification, an MA in Creative Writing and looking to do a Post Graduate Certificate in Education (PGCE) in the next couple of years. My dad was a former college teacher, and is no longer here but in many ways was very inspirational so don’t blame him at all, I think in his way he was looking out for me. In a way it didn’t work out too bad doing the Sociology Degree as I ended up with a broader understanding of life. So what you are doing might not be what you want now, but remember at least you know where your heart lies and things will work out for you I just know it. Keep persevering, success is around the corner, I am sure. Take care, all the best.

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      1. Kind of has worked out. I had an accident recently though. I hurt my ankle and am looking for a new job. Once that gets sorted i will be in a better position. Although I feel I am going in the right direction.

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  7. I faced a similar situation when I came to the U.S.A to pursue my studies. My father wanted me to study business so that I could make good money, but I ended up doing Speech Communication because I am passionate about self-fulfillment, self-improvement, and self-actualization. My dream was simply to share it through media. When i was studying Business, i was feeling like a dead person because i was killing a huge part of me to meet my dad’s expectation. The day before i changed my major, i cried a tone to God because i had no clarity and no passion in my life. Once I decided to follow my heart, I really started living. I came with the conclusion that success is just becoming the best self. Success is growing and improving every area of our lives especially our talents. Success is not becoming rich or becoming famous. Those are just the consequences of our growth. I realized also that we will disappoint many in life if we really want to be ourselves, and express ourselves. They will believe us only when they will see our growth and the fruits of our growth. Today, my dad is happy with the choices I have made because he saw the fruits of my growth. I love your post. We all go through the same kind situations. We are all the same… Keep it up.

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  8. Hey 🙂 I think 50% of time for your goals and passions is A LOT! Seriously 🙂 It may dont feel that way now but to tell the truth if you read a few biographies of successful people you will see that RARELY anyone have perfect circumstances to achieve their goals. Your attitude, mindset and perspective is more important than your circumstances. And your situation looks great anyway!

    Famous writer Haruki Murakami had a full time job in a bar (and I think he has/had a family too). He wanted to write a book and dedicated to his passion 2hr every evening after his work . Now, he is successful and he can finally do whatever he wants whenever he wants so he runs in marathons often and when he wants to write a new book he spends 4-6hr a day on it! 🙂

    Real GROWTH happens when you have challenges in your life, when you have to learn how to overcome different problems. This teaches creative and flexible approach and problem-solving. And these skills are vital not only in achieving your goals but also in maintaining your success later.

    While you are getting older you probably will have a few additional priorities in your life – maybe your job or family.

    I have my interests, passions and goals, but I also have a family (4 year old + my next baby is coming in March!), so there is family and all household related stuff like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, shopping, sorting things at home (we need plumber! and so on). I still work full time too. I implement different techniques to improve my time management and organisational skills. Now I have a blog, FB, insta as well, I’m finishing writing a book and doing my masters degree too. Next year I’ll have to add some exercise routine too. I know many very busy people. It’s not about having but making time for what matters in your life.

    I get up 5am most of the days to have 2-3hr a day of ME TIME, for my passions etc. It’s not a large proportion of my day and yet, 2-3hr a day is a lot of time and if you follow productivity tips you can do really a lot. So maybe if you e.g. get up earlier or change some habits and routines in your life you’ll find out that you can stretch your 50% of time for your goals to let’s say… even 60-70%? If not, still, 50% is a lot of time! You can do so much if you have the right action plan etc.

    I think it is good to have a degree especially in something like Computer Science nowadays. The modern world relies SO MUCH on IT in every discipline. Later you can build on it – IT is used in fitness or in designing a lot as well. You can always do a course, a second degree or Masters in something a bit different too. No harm in having a lot of qualifications – it will only broaden your mind and give you a better start in life.

    Elon Musk (Tesla. SpaceX) said once that it’s better to be open on many different disciplines rather than focusing strictly only on a particular chosen interest. This way you can be more creative and apply new knowledge and skills from other areas in your discipline.

    You may feel frustrated because it’s end of the year so time for handling a lot of assignments at uni etc. and I know – it’s exhausting.. but if I were you I wouldnt give up on what you have and what you’ve already started. You are doing so many great things and I believe you can carry on your degree and work on your goals and passions. Good luck with everything!

    Ps. My new blog post is about setting goals for 2018 – you may find it interesting (its related to this blog as well) 🙂

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      1. Thanks 😉 Knowledge is not everything but I like to share what I’ve managed to learn.. although everyone is different and what works well for someone may don’t work well for others, right?:) BUT if you read some good biographies you’ll see some patterns.. when and why people achieve their goals etc.

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      3. mindset4progress.wordpress.com have u read my post about setting goals for 2018. I published it around 4 days ago. Id appriciate very much if u cld let me know what u think about it if u have a moment. thanks a lot 🙂 x

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  9. I seriously understand what you’re saying. Right now I’m in a season where I know I’m growing and I’m not were I want to be, but I know its not the end. I know there is still more for me to accomplish. Sometimes we end up in jobs and with degrees that though we let the influences of others dictate those choices, those choices can still shape and grow us for the next season or when we are able to commit to our passions full-time. And even then we may need those degrees as back-ups if we hit a hard season with our passions.

    You may be afraid to give 100% to your passion, but even with that 50% you’re still trying to make it work. You’re still growing and learning. And hopefully you’ll find yourself increasing and giving 75% and surrounding yourself with a people who cheer you on. Not that you have to leave your family and current friends behind, but seek out a few people who share your same goals and passions.

    Sorry for the long comment! I hope at least a part of this made sense and was helpful haha have a great day! 🙂

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  10. I went to college because that’s what everyone wanted me to do. I was just planning on going to work and making money so I could enjoy my hobbies but I let others change my mind. Then after I was offered a scholarship I felt guilty, I couldn’t possibly turn down someone wanting to help me pay for college!

    So I went, for three years, and was absolutely miserable!

    Dropping out and getting a good job was the BEST decision I ever made! If I had not quit school I would never have ended up where I am today which is so much closer to who and where I want to be. It wasn’t easy by any means but living your life the way you want to live it is never a mistake!

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  11. The question is: are all questions worth asking?
    Which questions will bring me the answers I need?
    Is this an empowering question?
    Tony Robbins talks about the suggestive power of questions. I STRONGLY recommend you check this out!
    I find life works more mysteriously than we give it credit for, but that we can direct it in revealing it’s mysteries to us! GOOD questions are a perfect way to make some magic! x

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    1. Hmmm very interesting. I do agree, maybe instead of asking the questions, we should let life teach us in its own ways. But then we would need to muster up the courage, and that’s the hard part 😉

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